Thursday, March 13, 2008

USAF hand to hand combat

Shamelessly stolen from a fellow cadet's facebook....

The Air Force training is pretty short. This was the training prior to the last deployment to the desert:

1. Kill adversary before he can fight you hand to hand. If successful, skip to step 6.

2. If #1 fails, call for help. Consult with your base JAG prior to the call to ensure that it is "official business." Enter your 10 digit approval number (available from your CSS, on duty from 10-3 with 2 hour lunch and 1 hour gym break) prior to the call.

3. If #2 fails, attempt to impede adversary by using nearby items as weapons (iPod, laptop, PS3). Note: You should not remove the Plasma TV from the Day Room to use as a weapon, as it is a two-man lift. Besides, you might not unhook it properly. Though common and handy, golf clubs should only be used as a last resort as they may be damaged and would handicap your next game.

4. If #2 fails, turn A/C up to 73 degrees in order to sweat him out. In no case should A/C be turned off as personal injury may result.

5. If #1-4 fail, call Marines, Army, or Navy, in that order. The Marines will send a pounder in to snap adversary's neck. Army will send a platoon to riddle the area with bullets. Navy will show up in 3-4 months with 3, 000 people on a carrier. The Air Force will not reimburse you for meal expenses for the Navy if the Marines were available. Keep all receipts.

6. File after action report in triplicate, single space typed on #10 letter taupe paper, printed on an HP 2370. Failure to follow these instructions will result in administrative action.