Friday, February 17, 2006


I'm sure most of you have heard of the one-woman play by Eve Ensler entitled, "The Vagina Monologues." As across the rest of the country, the "Monologues" were performed here in Ames last night and are going to be performed again tonight. The Daily (our university newspaper), covered the performance here. I'd heard of this show before, but had never really grasped the reality of it. There are several choice quotes from the article, so let the feasting begin.

First up, "When you hear the word vagina, you think of something dirty," Halfacre said. This seems to me to be a common misperception among feminazis (haha, take that fools!! I'm going Limbaugh on your ass!) Anyway, the common misperception that in our "male-dominated society" anything to do with women and "women's empowerment" (which apparently, is what the repeated use of the word vagina is) is automatically shut down as dirty and vile. Speaking only for myself, I do not view anything about the word vagina as being dirty. It's simply part of the body, just as deserving of praise or scorn as say, an eye, or a penis (more on that later).

However, what I do view as dirty and vile is the glorification of underage rape. Which brings me to my next quote, "We have a conservative campus and we don't have these types of forums where we can talk about these issues," she said (in the interests of full disclosure, it is a different female than Ms. Halfacre that uttered the previous quote; the speaker's name is Ms. Smith). So by "issues," I extrapolate that Ms. Smith is referring to Ms. Ensler's inclusion in an earlier script of an extremely positive description of the rape of a 13 year old child by a 24 year old woman. Hey, it's lesbian, so it must be good right? Has nothing to do with those evil men!! Actually, I feel rather sorry for Ms. Smith (the speaker in the above quote), because she later mentions that she can identify with many of the issues that this play deals with, since her mother was raped as a child. This leaves me with two possible conclusions: either Ms. Smith believes that the use of such phrases as " if was rape, it was a good rape" has a positive impact on the victims of such an act, or, far more likely, Ms. Smith has no knowledge of Ms. Ensler's inclusion of this graphic description in earlier scripts and is in fact supporting a play that previously included material making light and looking favorably upon the same traumatic event that her mother went through as a child. Ah, to be young and paraphrase and contradict Dean Wormer, apparently "liberal, clueless and stupid" is a way to go through life. Ms. Smith is living proof.

To bring me to my final point, there's this quote from one Kat Lundberg (who coincidentally enough, lives on the floor below me.) "I ask people 'have they gotten their vaginas yet,'" she said.

Huh??? Maybe one of my female readers could take the time to explain this to me in comments. Hell, if I get bored tomorrow, I might go downstairs and ask Kat myself, because that quote really did not make any sense to me. I mean, I don't go around asking fellow men if they've "found their penises yet." Half of them would probably call me gay and run away, the other half would just look at me really funny and back away slowly. I just really do not understand this, the apparent identification of oneself with one's bits and pieces. I mean, honestly, can you imagine ANYONE, straight, gay, young, old, white, black, asking a man if he's "found his penis" yet? It's completely absurd, which is why, in the interest of destroying an idea by mockery, I am now declaring President's Day as "P-day." For those of you who are unaware, President's Day is the third Monday in February when we nominally celebrate the birthday of Presidents Washington and Lincoln, along with all the other white males who have served as President.

Well, I think that if females get their V-day, it is only fair that males get our P-day. V-day stands for "victory, valentines, and vagina," and P-day will stand for "Power, presidents, and penis." While I think the categories of P-day speak for themselves, I'll briefly lay them out. Penis, since that it what identifies us as men and is the root of all of our power. Power, because as everyone knows, men hold all the power in the world. Nothing can get done unless a male, preferebly white, approves of it. And finally, presidents, because first, it was their day originally, and second, as I mentioned previously, P-day has to do with power, which comes from (white) males, and all of our presidents were white males.

Now, how to celebrate P-day...I suppose I could write a play. Hmm, okay, I'm going to call up NAMBLA and ask them to help me put together a story about a 24 year old man bending over and raping a 13 year old boy, who of course, will "like it". What, not okay??? I smell a double-standard...

Anyway, don't forget, Monday is P-day. Make sure to ask every male that you see if he has "found his penis yet."

"Power, Presidents, and Penis"!!