Monday, March 03, 2008

Open Letters

To the morons who walked in front of my car last week when there was several inches of ice/snow on the road: you, being a pedestrian, have the right of way. And this is a college town, where pedestrians, far from fighting for the right of way, rightfully assume that all wheeled modes of transportation will yield to them. However, my vehicle weighs considerably more than you, and it moves with much less agility than yourselves. When you run out in front of me you are taking your life into your own hands, not because I'm malicious (I am, but that's irrelevant) but because I will slam on the brakes (probably) and I will still slam into you going at a considerable rate of speed. You will probably damage my bumper, and maybe a headlight assembly if I am unlucky. I suspect you will come out in considerably worse condition.

To the (probably) design students who left cups in the bed of my truck: the bed of my truck is not a refuse container for your frappu-mocca-latte-cino. I think it's fair to say that we've been more than kind to your invasion of our building. Keep it up, and I will have no choice but to redeposit whatever you leave in the bed of my truck in one of your studios. Along with several bags of trash. And some buckets of paint. Massive retaliation, good enough for Eisenhower and Dulles, good enough for me.

To the jackass that walked into Beyer Gym during Leadlab week before last: is it really too much to ask that you show the proper respect for our National Anthem? Your weights couldn't wait another minute to get lifted? The song was already half over by the time you walked into the gym, all you had to do was wait from the Rockets' red glare until the home of the brave. Don't let the people in uniform in formation at attention rendering salutes give you any hints. By all means, go lift those weights.

Lest you think everyone in Ames is a clueless jackass litterbug, to the fine gentlemen who helped push my truck out of its parking stall Thursday night: THANK YOU. You stepped up where Ames' abysmal snow/ice removal service failed.